Christmas was really peaceful and relaxing this year in the Cross household. We hosted Christmas this year. It was so nice to have people over, eat, laugh and play a bunch of games. My husband and I didn't really exchange gifts this year to save money. However I did get some pretty snazy buffet lamps from him, because someone had given him grief for not getting me anything.Ha ha! I didn't mind the gift at all, but was totally content on not recieving anything. I felt kind of bad all I got him were a few books. I love my lamps though, he is so sweet to me!
2009 is swiftly approaching an end. We are merely hours away from 2010! I can't believe it's already 2010! That whole saying time flies the older you get, yikes! Well, it's true! This year has completely passed me by! I look back and see the things that happened that were great and I also see things that I want to improve, things I want to reach higher for and things to let go of.
I was thinking what happened this past year? There was good like Joey and I buying our very first house as husband and wife! We love our little house and know that it will hold many memories for us, just like it already has! Then there were the many blessings like Joey's job, creating new friends, becoming more of the woman God has called me to be. (This is a never ending process by the way-still becoming.)
There were some scary moments too. Like when my mom had to have a biopsy done on one of her breasts. This scared the patooey out of me. The thought of both of my parents not being here, was awful. God gave me piece during that time, like he always does, and it came back benign. Thank you Jesus.
For this year I have many hopes! I don't want to accomplish anything great per say. I just want to become more of a "fuller me". I don't know if that makes sense. I want to know God more. I want to pray more. I want to love my husband better. I want to see God all around me, not just in church. I want to experience Him fully. I don't want to miss out on anything He is doing. I want to hear Him more. Feel Him more. I want to know that exactly what I am doing is exactly where and what He wants me to be doing! I want to be completely and utterly filled with Him and nothing more! I have this desire that is screaming out at me! Life is so much more than resolutions and goals! I feel like God wants me to live life "Simply." We don't need to accomplish anything great. He wants to take our everyday lives, use them to Glorify Him, and in return we are made complete. Full of joy, contentment...happiness. I want more of this. I desire with all of me, this.
This past year I also turned 25. In less than a month I will be 26! Twenty five was really hard for me! Just that realization that I'm not the "young" one anymore. I know some can relate! My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years. Children have been on my mind and my husbands mind lately. No I'm not pregnant. The thought about knocks me off my feet, quite frankly! I want to have kids one day. I know that I am not getting any younger! Ha! Seriously though. Of course I ooh and goo over sweet little babies and want to kiss their little wittle cheeks! But, having a kid is huuuggee! It's not something I just go "ok, lets go honey!" I am completely aware of all that it entails! It frieghtens me to no end, to know that I would be responsible for a little person, and no I can't give it back to it's mother! Oh, me! Oh my! I have talked to many people about my fears, mainly my husband. Maybe it's fears, maybe it's selfishness. I am still trying to work through all of these feelings. I know God wants to bring us out of our comfort zones, this would be way out! So we will see! Maybe this time next year I will look back on this post and laugh about how naive I was. I know that god will give me peace about all of it, when it's time. Until then I wait patiently...hoping that I get that dose of peace soon! =)